


Secrets of the Past

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Cancer, F/M, Hurt, Major Illness, Sick Character, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: While getting ready to head out on a case, someone from Spencer's past reappears. Wanting nothing to do with this person, Spencer tries to leave but the news this person brings is unsettling and just enough to change Spencer's life forever.





	1. Knights of the Round Table

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT GOING TO END HAPPILY. I AM JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS GOING TO HURT AND IF PAIN IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, YOU NEED TO TURN BACK.

            Like Knights of the Round Table, they sat. Files covered the table with gruesome pictures of the latest villain and the team picked them apart as if they were nothing more than puzzle pieces. The death and the blood and the darkness, they were just pieces of their job. They could talk about how much they wished things like this never happened, but then there would be no need for them. The entire team would be lost in this world because this was who they were, this is what they must do to survive. Sometimes Reid wondered if that made them like the monsters they fought.

            “Hello my beauties,” Penelope floated into the room, he blonde curls bobbing against her made up face. Though there was tragedy afoot and she was going to show them the awful, she tried to keep a positive energy flowing through her. It was how she stayed out of the darkness they all lived in. Penelope Garcia, the beautiful black sheep.

            “What do we have?” Hotchner made sure to get right down to business. The quicker they learned about the monstrous act, the quicker they could hunt down the monster, torches ablaze.

            “Three families in Berlin, Connecticut,” Garcia started, the images of the families flashing onto the monitor in front of them all. “In all situations, there was a mother, a step-father, a boy and a girl.”

            “Another family annihilator?” Morgan threw in a suggestion in the form of a question.

            “Only thing is,” Garcia pushed a button and the faces of three little boys moved their way onto the screen. “In all three cases, the little boy was left alive. They were each dropped off near the Hospital, only a few minutes after what has been confirmed as the time of death in each case.”

            “So, are we going to assume that the unsub is male?” Reid threw in his own opinion. “Coming from the same family setting?”

            “It could be a father,” JJ added in more to ponder over. “In all these cases, there was a step-father. Maybe the unsub feels that his family was taken over by another man and is using these families as surrogates to take out his frustration.”

            “Whatever the case may be, these murders are happening only days apart,” Hotch closed the file folder in front of him and brought himself to his feet. “We need to get there as soon as we can before this happens again.”

            “Excuse me,” a young man in a suit walked through the doors into the conference room. “There is a woman here who needs to see Dr. Reid. She says that it is urgent.”

            Reid was immediately shocked that someone was there to see him. No one had ever come to his work to see him. The only woman, besides those he worked with, who knew he even worked there, was his mother. She would not leave the hospital and make her way all the way here, not without the hospital contacting him and letting him know.

            Everyone rose to their feet, along with Reid and headed out to the bull pen. That is when Reid saw a ghost from his past and every memory he had of the two of them came racing into his brain. He could see them when they were seven, chasing each other around the playground. He could hear himself reading her stories when they were pushing into their teen years. He read to her to help her sleep when she would sneak in through his window at night. Her parents more than likely having been fighting. And then finally he saw the final scene, her walking away from him, crushing everything he ever thought he was. And now she was here standing in front of him.

            “Can we help you?” Morgan asked, walking up her and taking a seat on the edge of the first desk he came to within five feet of her.

            “Hi,” she smiled at Morgan but then moved her smile to Reid, it dropping as quick as it had started. “I just need to speak with Reid, if that is alright?”

            “Actually,” Reid could feel the anger building up inside of him when he began to speak. He could not remember the last time that he had been this angry at anyone. “We have a case we need to get to, so now is not a good time.”

            “Please,” she reached out and grabbed Reid by the arm, forcing him to turn and face her. He refused to make eye contact. “Just give me five minutes of your time and I will let you go.”

            “Then talk,” Reid moved himself away from her, not wanting to feel her touch against his skin. He was all too familiar with the touch. At one point in time it was the only thing that mattered and now it burned against his skin. “If you have something to say to me, you can say it here and now, so I can be on my way.”

            “Fine,” she straightened herself up and clutched her purse between her slender fingers. She was smaller than Reid had remembered. Her eyes looked more tired and her body frailer. “I know that you hate me and what I am about to say is going to make you hate me more.”

“Maybe we should let you two have a moment,” JJ suggested, beginning to walk past the them both but Reid put out his hand to stop her.

            “No,” Reid shook his head. “I would prefer it if you did not leave us alone.”

            Everyone stood still, eyes fixed on them so tightly it was as if they were expecting them to burst into flames. Maybe they were, that would have been a lot better than just standing there, all that pain and anger boiling up inside of him. He wanted to flee, he wanted to yell, he wanted this to not be happening.

            “Come on Joanna,” Reid could not take the silence from her any longer. He realized that is the first time he had called her by her whole first name, and it was bitter against his tongue. “Why are you here?”

            “When I left,” Reid already knew that he was not ready for anything she was going to say. She was going to jump in and start with the single most painful day of his entire life. That sounded like a fantastic idea to him. “I thought I was doing what was best for me. Then a couple months later, I found out that I was pregnant.”

            There was a gasp from every team member that surrounded them, eyes wide, moving back and forth between Reid and Joanna. Though he was in shock as well, a part of him felt that they were over-reacting. He was supposed to be the one who gasped but instead he stood in disbelief. It seemed impossible for him have gotten her pregnant. Sure, they had slept together, being as they were technically a couple, but Reid a father? That seemed hard to believe.

            “What are you saying?” Reid spoke almost too low to be heard, still trying to process the information that she had just laid on him.

            “Can we please talk in private Spence?” She begged, tears starting to well up behind her eyes. Though he had no desire to be alone with her, he knew that this was something that did not need to be discussed in front of his entire team. Sure, they would get all the information out of him later, but now was not the time or the place for that.

            “Fine,” Reid motioned for her to follow him back toward his beloved round table, not before making sure that things were squared away with his team. “Can I meet up with you guys in Connecticut?”

            “Sure,” Hotch agreed, patting him on the shoulder. “Call me if you need anything.”

            The team was quick to make an exit, avoiding the awkward situation that had developed. That left Reid and Joanna alone with one another and that was almost worse than the awkwardness. He ushered her into the conference room but continued to avoid any kind of eye contact as they walked.

            “Look, I know that I am a genius and all,” Reid finally allowed himself to look in her direction, needing to get all this figured out. “But what exactly are you trying to tell me?”

            Jo opened her purse and pulled out a photograph. She clutched it between her fingers before handing it over to him. Reid hesitated but took it from her, his eyes quickly darting down to the girl captured in it. She looked to be about ten or so in the photo, which time wise would make sense. Her hazel eyes stared up at him through brown curly locks.

            “What is her name?” The anger was still there but all he could seem to care about was this girl who looked like the spitting image of himself. Mostly, he was waiting to wake up in his bed, clinging to a book that would answer for this dream.

            “Actually,” Jo moved back and forth on her feet, obviously feeling nervous, as she should be. “Her name is Spencer. Spencer Reid Bradley.”

            “Why are you telling me all of this now?” Reid’s mind was racing and he felt like he was on the verge of passing out but he was not going to give Jo the satisfaction. She had hurt him enough already.

            “When Spencer was four, she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. She went through treatment for a long time but finally, when she was six, she was in remission.” Jo pulled a chair out and sat down, Reid did the same, feeling that he was not going to like anything he was about to hear. “Things were getting better, until a year ago. We went in for some routine testing and the tests came back abnormal. Her lymphoma is back. Only this time, the chemo is not working.”

            “So, she is dying?” Reid asked out loud, not really to Jo but just to make sure that he fully understood what was being said to him.

            “They gave her six months to a year,” Jo sunk down into her chair and he could finally see it. He had seen the tired look when she came in but now he could see how broken down she truly was. He wanted to reach out and take her into my arms but he knew that right now would be an inappropriate time for that, given their history.

            “Six months?” Reid was feeling rather stupid today for being the genius that he was. None of this was making sense. He has a daughter and to top it off, she is dying.

            “A week ago, we had a meeting with the Make-A-Wish foundation.” Jo continued talking, almost in a rambling manner. “I thought she was going to ask for a trip to Disneyland or Europe or something, she always wants to go places. But she didn’t. She likes to read, she got that from you. I told her how much you also loved to read and she was happy that she had something in common with you.”

            “She knows about me?” Reid looked back down at the photo and ran his finger over the face of the girl.

            “She knows all about you,” Jo nodded her head. “I never kept you a secret from her. I told her everything I know about you. She knows that you not being in our life is my fault. She does not blame you for not being around.”

            “What did she wish for?” He tried to change the subject, anger forming again. He knew that he was going to start yelling, even though that was not really what he did.

            “To have her…” Jo put her face into her hands and her shoulders began to shrug up and down. She was crying and he couldn’t do anything more than be angry with her. “She wished for her Dad to read her a book.”

            Reid could finally feel the tears form behind his eyes and words choke into the back of his throat. This little girl that he had never known knew all about him and he was what she wanted right now. She was dying and she wished for him. Part of him wanted to run away but the rest of him knew that he could not. He was not going to be like Joanna.

            “I would like to meet her,” Reid stood up and straightened out his pant legs. “If that is alright?”

            “Yes, of course,” Jo stood up quickly, reaching for the picture but he pulled it away. “I can drive us if you like.”

            “How far away?” Reid questioned, wondering where they had been all this time.

            “About twenty minutes,” she refused to make eye contact with him. Not only did he have a child but she lived only minutes away from him. The joke that he felt was being played on him only seemed to get sicker.

            He made his way quickly to the elevator, the run in him taking over but he slowed, making sure she was behind him. He was not going to run away. Not because he owed it to Joanna but because he owed it to himself and his daughter.

            The elevator doors closed and his heart raced in him chest. He felt that it was going to break through his ribcage and land on the floor at his feet. With all that he had been through, he had never been as scared in his entire life. Not like he was in this moment.

            “I can’t believe you did not tell me sooner,” Reid began again, the words coming out even with him trying to hold them back. He did not want to talk to her at all but he could not help himself.

            “Can we not do this?” Joanna looked over at him with blood shot eyes. “The only thing in this world that is keeping me alive is dying. I think I have been punished enough for my mistakes. So, if we can just get this over with, that would be great.”


	2. No Time for Sleep

The car ride was only twenty-three minutes and forty-two seconds but it felt like it took years to get there. Street lights blinded overhead, blurring Reid’s eyes, forcing him to close them. The picture of his daughter burned into his head. He tried to shake it free but it would not go away. Was she even going to look like the little girl who was smiling in the photograph?

            “Are you ready?” Joanna asked, opening the driver’s side door.

            Reid was not sure how long they had been sitting in the driveway or how long he had been lost in his head but it felt as if time had stopped moving all together. This was not happening, none of this was real. He was dreaming, this was nothing more than just a dream. He was about to wake up. He needed to wake up.

            “Not really,” He admitted to her, opening the passenger door. “Is anyone ever ready to meet their dying child for the first time after not knowing about her for eleven years?”

            “I guess not,” She agreed with him and he was almost taken back by it. He knew that he needed to cut her some slack. She was going through something that no parent should ever have to go through but he still could not help but be angry at her. Maybe if she had told him from the start, things would be different. The littlest changes can make the biggest ripple effects.

            They sat in silence for a moment before climbing out of the car and heading up the walkway toward the house. It was a nice house, two stories, garage and in nice neighborhood. All that was missing was the mini-van and the white picket fence. For doing this all without him, she was not doing that bad for herself.

            “Are you married?” Reid could not help but ask. It had been over ten years. He could not expect her to be single after all that time.

            “No, never married.” She answered, not turning back to look at him. She pushed her key into the lock and turned it. There was a click and suddenly they were inside the house. Reid was not ready to be inside the house but here they were. “Once I had Spencer, my life became all about her, never felt the need for anything more.”

            “Ms. Bradley, you are home,” An older woman entered the foyer of the house with a warm smile on her face. “And this must be Dr. Spencer Reid, I have heard so much about you.”

            “That’s funny,” Reid laughed, again not able to control the things that were coming out of his mouth. “Because I haven’t heard a thing about you or anything for the past ten years. Funny how hearing about people works, isn’t it?”

            The smile did not fade from her face, instead, she reached over and cupped her hand to his cheek, as if she understood what he was feeling and that is was perfectly acceptable. Being angry was becoming harder and harder and he kind of disliked that fact. He could be angry; he should be angry.

            “Is she asleep?” Joanna asked the older woman, as if she had not been paying attention to what had just been said. Or maybe she understood that he was angry as well and was not going to stop him from it. More reasons to be angry, but another reason to also let go a little bit. He was not here to be angry at Joanna, he was here to meet his daughter.

            “Yeah,” the lady nodded, giving Joanna a half smile. “She went to sleep about an hour ago. Who knows, she still may be awake reading one of her books.”

            “I would be,” Reid caught himself with a smile and both women in front of him beamed, happy for the change in his behavior. One could not help but smile at the mention of books.

            “Well, let’s go find out,” Joanna smiled over at him and began to walk quietly up the stairs. It was now that his heart was beating even faster and the thought of passing out was very possible.

            “If she is asleep,” Reid followed quickly but quietly up the stairs. “You don’t have to wake her.”

            “Yes, I do,” Joanna stopped at a door that was cracked open about an inch, the name SPENCE decorated with rockets and dinosaurs and flowers was hung against it. Reid appreciated her vast interest in things. “When you don’t have your whole life ahead of you, every minute counts. Sleep doesn’t seem like such a needed thing when you see that it is just wasting time.”

            “Very well,” he nodded, agreeing to wake Spencer from her sleep, assuming she was in fact sleeping.

            Joanna pushed open the door, the light from the hallway taking over the room. Reid’s eyes travelled with the light until it hit the bed, a small body snuggled beneath the covers, eyes closed, a book laying across her chest. If she were a boy, he would have sworn that he was looking at himself when he was a child. Even without proof, he could tell that she was in fact his daughter and one he is certain he would be very proud of.

            “Spence,” Joanna made her way into the room and Reid almost responded, but she was not talking to him. This name thing was going to be hard to get used to. “Spence honey, wake up.”

            Joanna sat down on the bed and rubbed Spencer’s arms, her little body moving slightly. She made a slight groan and then opened her eyes. It was dark but he knew from the picture that they were amazing little eyes. He was not sure that he was truly ready for this yet.

            “Mommy,” Spencer spoke softly. Reid’s hands firmly by my side. He was unsure what to do with himself in this moment. “What time is it?”

            “Late,” Joanna answered her, running her hand across her cheek. “But I brought someone for you to meet.”

            “You did?” Spencer sat up slowly in her bed, her mother helping her to sit back against the pillow. Soon her eyes were on Reid and he could not make out what she was thinking.

            “Hello Spencer,” Reid slowly made his way into the room, giving her a slight wave. “I’m … well I am also Spencer or as most people like to call me, Reid.”

            Spencer shot out of the bed quicker than he had ever seen a person move. She made her way over to him and though he stumbled back slightly, she soon had her arms around him, hugging him tight. Reid was frozen for a moment but soon he was hugging her back, tears falling from his eyes and landing on her bright neon orange pajama top.

            “I am so glad you are here,” She pulled away from him and smiled from ear to ear. He gave her a smile back, reaching up to wipe away the stray tears against his face. “I asked for you.”

            “That is what your mother told me,” Reid followed her back over to her bed and sat down on the edge. “How could I not come with that kind of request?”

            “Do you want to see my book?” She asked quickly, reaching down beside her bed.

            “I would love to,” he answered with a smile, this time at Joanna. Though so much had not gone the way they should, he could not deny that he was no longer angry, he was happy, given the circumstance.

            “I made it myself.” Spencer placed what appeared to be a scrap book, made from a composition notebook, on his lap. It was painted with scientific symbols and pictures of dinosaurs. She really had a thing for the dinosaurs. Soon it was opened in front of him and the tears began to form again.

            “That looks like me when I was a baby,” Reid reached out and turned the book toward himself so that he could see it better. It was in fact him when he was a baby.

            “It is you,” she smiled, reaching forwards and beginning to turn the pages. “And this is you and mom when you were little. This was the flower you gave her when she graduated from high school. And these are my favorite. I have every article you have ever had published. Some of them I still don’t understand but I am slowly figuring them out more and more.”

            Reid was overwhelmed with emotion. Not only did she know who he was, she knew his work. She had a scrapbook of any time his name appeared in the paper or any time he published an article. She knew everything there was to know about him and he knew so little about her.

            “I would be more than happy to explain them to you,” he smiled up at her. “That is, if you want me to.”

            “That would be very nice,” Spencer bounced around on the bed and then turned to her mother. “Would that be okay with you? Can he stay with us? Can you stay with us?”

            “Honey,” Joanna settled Spencer down and laid her back against the bed. “If you go back to sleep, your dad and I will talk okay. We will try to see what we can work out.”

            “Okay,” she smiled over at him and then shut her eyes tightly. “I am sleeping now.”

            “You are such a faker,” Joanna laughed, ticking her fingers into Spencer’s sides. Spencer laughed and kicked her feet and Reid could not help but laugh as well. Though strange, all of this felt familiar and right. Everything was as it should be, or at least, close.

            “Please, go talk,” Spencer all but ordered them. “I can’t sleep if you don’t get out of my room.”

            Spencer smiled back over at Reid and he reached out and grabbed her hand. Pulling it up, he kissed the top of it and then stood up along with Joanna.

            “I will see you in the morning okay?” Reid smiled down at her. He was not going to miss out on anything else.

            “You promise?’ She asked, smile big and eyes bright.

            “I promise,” he answered. “Nothing would keep me away.”


	3. The Only Thing Missing Is

 

            Reid could not help but smile the entire way down the stairs and into Joanna’s living room. He knew that he was supposed to be nervous and scared about having a child, more so with the circumstances, but he found himself elated. He had known of her for only an hour and known her personally for even less time and already all he wanted in life was to know his daughter. Here she was and he was not going to let her slip away, even if that is the plan Joanna has.

            “She normally wakes up around six,” Joanna took a seat on the large tan leather couch, looking as if she were ready to fall asleep. “You could come back around that time or we have a guest bedroom you could sleep in.”

            “I do not seem to have any of my things here,” Reid observed out loud. “But I would love to stay the evening and be here when she wakes up. Would it be okay if I borrowed your car and went to grab a few things?”

            “That would be great,” Joanna got up and walked over to the small table by the front door where she had set her purse. She fished around for a bit before pulling out a set of car keys. “If you get back and I am in bed, the guest bedroom will be the one at the top of the stairs and to your left, I will leave the light on. The bathroom is right next to it.”

            “Thank you,” Reid took the keys from Joanna when she held them out to him and made his was toward the door.

            Opening the door, Reid stepped out into the cold night air and was shocked at the feel of it against his skin. It was like being in a trance and someone had splashed cold water into his face to pull him out of it. The entire evening came flooding back to his mind and he played it over again in what felt like seconds. This was truly happening.

            “Jo,” Reid turned around and gave Joanna a smile, calling her by the name that he had used for her their entire lives, up until she left him. “Even though it took a long time, thank you.”

            “No,” Jo shook her head at him, a smile stretching across her face. “Thank you.”

            “What did I do?” Reid wondered aloud, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

            “That,” Jo pointed her finger up the stairs and toward Spencer’s bedroom. “You did that.”

__________

 

            Reid sat down on his couch and stared off into space. He had gathered up a bag, with at least three days of clothing and needed accessories. Yet, here he was sitting on his couch, unable to move. Part of the evening had hit him, sinking into his core. It was not that he was a father or that Joanna had come back into his life after all this time. It was not even the fact that he had been so incredibly in love with Joanna at one point and thought she loved him back, only for her to leave. It was that the one thing that he wanted more than anything in the world, at this very moment in time, was dying.

            In the last ten years, Reid had seen more death than he could tell you about. He could tell you about every circumstance, but he would not want to. No one wants to remember the things that he had seen, but he does. He remembers every single one of them. Now he was going to get to remember seeing his daughter get sicker and possibly die. He wished now that he was just a normal person, with hope that things will work out, but this was her second time having it and statistically, the odds were much worse. He wished he did not know this information.

            Looking down at his watch, Reid knew that he needed to get back. It was almost ten o’clock and he did not want to be making his way back into their home in the middle of the night, even if he was invited. Though he felt the pull to stay on his couch become greater, he pulled himself away, grabbed his bag and a couple of books and headed back down to Joanna’s car.

            As he slid into the driver seat, Reid pulled out his phone and dialed Hotchner’s number. He was not sure what he was going to tell him really, not wanting to go into detail, though he was going to have to tell them all about it at some point, at least Hotch.

            “Hey,” Reid could feel his voice become shaky as he spoke and he knew that he needed to get off the phone as quickly as he could.

            “Are you headed this way?” Hotchner asked, sounding just as businesslike as he always did.

            “Actually,” Reid gripped the steering wheel tighter as he began to drive back towards Joanna’s house. “I am not going to be able to make it to this one. I know that I need to be there and this is such short notice, but I really need to be here right now.”

            “We will manage without you,” Hotchner stated matter-of-fact, though his tone had softened a little bit. “I will call you when we get back into town and we can talk.”

            “Sounds good,” Reid lied. He was never going to be ready to talk about this. How do you tell people that you have a child you never knew about and then that she has cancer and is dying? “I will talk to you then.”

            Reid did not give Hotchner the chance to say anything else before he hung up on him. He knew that if he stayed on the phone, he was going to say more than he wanted to and that was not good. Once he got on a topic of something he could not bring himself to stop. He needed to stop. STOP!

            Reid slammed on his breaks, nearly hitting the small SUV that was in front of him. He had been so lost in thought that he had almost crashed. Joanna would probably not approve of him crashing her car, even though he would replace it. He needed to focus on the road and the law, not on Joanna and Spencer.

            All states and territories require child safety seats for infants and children fitting specific criteria, but requirements vary based on age, weight and height. Often, this happens in three stages: infants use rear-facing infant seats; toddlers use forward-facing child safety seats; and older children use booster seats. Many laws require all children to ride in the rear seat whenever possible, and most states permit children over a certain age, height or weight to use an adult safety belt.

            That was helping … A little.

            Reid continued going over little facts that he knew; things that were not of importance to him but they kept him focused on the road ahead. Soon, he was once again sitting in Jo’s driveway, looking up at the second story windows. Everything he had ever known to be true seemed to not make any sense anymore. He always relied on facts, numbers and statistics. He could pick up a book and learn how to do something but this time he couldn’t do that. This time, he had to learn how to do something the same way everyone else did, by doing it. A book could not teach him how to be a parent to the little girl sleeping inside of the house in front of him.

            Taking a deep breath, Spencer gathered up his bags, climbed out of Jo’s car and made his way up to the house. The door was locked but luckily there was a key on the keychain, which Jo was probably aware of when she locked the door. _You can do this. You can do this._

It was not like Reid had never been afraid before. His life had been in danger many times and he had almost died a few times as well. But this was different and in a way worse. In those other moments, death was the outcome. Well, technically, this time had an outcome of death as well, just not his own. But outside of death, his own not seeming so bad now, he had the chance to let the little girl, in the house, down. Nothing had ever terrified him more.

            The house seemed bigger with the lights off and no one around. He felt out of place in a way but then strangely at home. There was a picture on the wall that they bought at some tiny little shop when they went to New York City. There were some lights that were very Las Vegas and then there was a red chair in the corner. Not just a red chair, their red chair. They had moved into an apartment together and the neighbor was getting rid of it. He gladly gave it to them free of charge, which was the best kind of chair.

            “My mom loves that chair,” A voice came from behind and startled Reid. He jumped slightly in place and hoped that she didn’t notice.

            “Yeah?” Reid questioned, looking back over at the chair. So many memories of that chair. Evenings of just curling up together and reading books or listening to music. He didn’t realize until that moment, how much he truly missed that chair.

            “Yeah,” Spencer walked passed Reid and made her way over to the chair to sit down. It was so big that she seemed to get lost it in. It was the first time that Reid really got a look at her, she was so small, and not just in the ways a child should be small. It broke his heart but he could not let her see that. “When I was little, we would curl up in it and she would read to me. Now that I am older, I do most the reading on my own. Sometimes she still reads to me. I love when she reads to me, it’s the best.”

            “I think that too,” Reid made his way into the living room and took a seat on the couch across from her. “My mom used to read to me all the time too.”

            “Used to?” Spencer questioned.

            “Yeah,” Reid leaned back, wondering if he should go into detail about his mother. “We don’t see each other often. But we write.”

            “I love to write,” Spencer’s face lit up. “I wrote a book.”

            “You did?” Reid perked up. He was becoming more and more amazed by this little girl. “What is it about?”

            “A dinosaur who loves cheese,” Spencer laughed. “I wrote it when I was seven. But I have made a few adjustments since then.”

            “I would love to read it,” Reid informed her, that is, if she wanted him to read it.

            “I could read it to you,” she offered up.

            “I would love that even more,” he nodded his head.

            “I will go get it,” she moved out of the chair and passed him.

            Spencer looked around the living room a little more while she was gone. There were pictures of her at all different ages randomly placed throughout the house. He never really saw this kind of life for Jo. She was a free spirit and wild, never really the one to settle. Now here she was, settled. The only thing missing from these pictures was …

            “I got it,” Spencer threw herself down on the couch beside Reid, a very homemade looking book in her lap. “Ready?”

            “Definitely!” Reid smiled, looking one more time at the photos on the walls.

            The only thing missing from these pictures was ... him. 


	4. Dina the Dinosaur Loves Cheese

 “Reid.”

Reid could feel himself being shaken and jumped slightly. Though it only took him a moment to remember where he was, it took his heart a little longer to catch up. It was not until he looked down at the little girl that was curled up in his side that it slowed. They had been up way too late talking about her book that she had read him. He was not even sure when they fell asleep, or who fell asleep first.

“I am sorry,” Reid went to sit up but the weight of Spencer kept him down. “She came down when I got back and was determined to read me her book.”

“Sad, wasn’t it?” Joanna gave him a soft smile. “She has read it to me many times and still the ending always gets me.”

“It was definitely not the twist I was expecting,” Reid agreed, giving her a smile in return but quickly it faded away. His emotions were so confused and jumbled right now, he felt like he was going to explode at any moment.

“Would you like some coffee or tea?” Joanna asked as she worked to move Spencer into a more comfortable spot and off Reid.

“Tea would be good,” Spencer nodded.

Joanna pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and placed it over her daughter. Their daughter. Reid had to keep reminding himself that this little girl was his daughter. Joanna then began to walk passed Reid when he reached out and took her by the wrist. It was not something that he had meant to do and he instantly regret it as memories of them came flooding back. The knot that had been in his stomach tightened and he felt he might get sick.

“Let me help you,” Reid finally spoke. He then realized he was still holding onto her arm and promptly let it go.

“Thank you,” she stood there for a moment looking down at him before disappearing through a doorway off to the side of the living room.

Reid took a moment to calm down before bringing himself to his feet and following her. The door led him to a little room that appeared to be used as a pantry. There was another doorway to the far corner of it and being the only direction to go, that is the path he took. This door led into a decent sized kitchen, bigger than the one that his apartment held. It was covered in everything one would expect of a kitchen, the fridge being the best part. It was its own personal Spencer art museum. Reid smiled. Of course, his kid would be wonderful.

Reid noticed the tea pot on the stove and reached for it. He then went to fill it with water. Joanna produced a tea infuser and three different kinds of teas and set them on the counter. They continued to work together silently. Normally, Reid was not a fan of silence, but he welcomed it this time. He still did not trust himself when it came to talking to Joanna.

“Reid,” Joanna finally broke the silence and he wanted to scream but he kept his calm. If it were not for the desperate, almost begging tone in her voice, he probably would have screamed.

“Joanna, I don’t,” Reid began to speak but she held up her hand to stop him.

“Please let me say something,” she begged again. “Once I say this, the floor is all yours.”

“Go ahead,” Reid leaned himself against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He was patiently waiting his turn. He deserved a turn to talk, no matter what she had gone through.

“I need for us to get along,” Joanna stated, sitting down in a chair at the small table that sat in the corner.

“I ca...” Reid went to interrupt but again, she threw up a hand.

“You said you would let me speak,” Joanna glared at him, challenging him to go against his word.

“Fine,” Reid sighed, reaching for his tea to keep his hands and his mouth occupied long enough to let her get off her chest whatever it was she had to say.

“I need for us to get along,” She began again and it took all of Reid’s self-control to stop from interrupting her again. “I don’t need us to like each other or be friends. But I need for us to get along. We have a past. I messed up. I know I messed up. But this is not about me and it is not about you. It is about Spencer. And what she needs right now is us, getting along with one another. So not only do I need for us to get along, it is my requirement. If you can’t be civil with me, I can’t have you around. She doesn’t need the stress it would cause.”

Reid was silent for a few moments. He wanted to make sure that she was done before he began to speak and he also needed to think of how to answer. He was not the best at pretending to be something in front of other people. Who he is always seems to slip out. But this was important. Spencer needed him. Well, maybe she needed him. She had gone her whole life without him. But he was here now and the last thing she needed was for him to mess it all up by constantly being angry with her mom.

“On one condition,” Reid finally stepped away from the counter, switching now to pacing back and forth. “I need us to make it clear to her and I need you to be clear that I need to be able to walk away. I will not leave. But I at times have trouble controlling myself. I can promise to get along with you but I also need to be able to walk away when I can’t.”

“That seems fair enough,” Joanna agreed. “Spencer has a walk away policy too. She is not good at walking away because she is smart and hot headed, kind of like some other people I know. But she understands needing to take a breath and so do I.”

“Then I can get along with you,” Reid finally agreed, going to take a sip of his tea but stopping as the glass touched his lips. “For Spencer.”

Reid set down his tea, about to say something else, when his phone began to ring. He reached in and looked at the caller I.D. He had completely intended on ignoring it. That is, until he noticed that it was Penelope. She would never give up and would probably begin to worry about him if he did not answer the phone.

“I need to take this,” Reid held his phone up for Joanna, though she more than likely heard it ringing.

“I will give you some privacy,” she grabbed her coffee and stood up. “I should go check on Spencer anyway.”

“I will be out there soon,” he reassured her with a smile.

“Hello,” Reid answered the phone just as Joanna made her way out of the kitchen.

“Hey,” Penelope spoke in her concerned voice. That told Reid that she knew more than she probably should about all of this. “How are you?”

“I will get back to you on that,” Reid didn’t have an answer for how he was and he certainly was not going to lie and say he did. Penelope would see through a fake answer, they all would. That was the downside of spending all your time with people who read people for a living.

“I bet,” Penelope confirmed his suspicions about how much she knew. “I just wanted to call and let you know that if you need anything, I am here.”

“Thank you,” Reid smiled faintly, but again that feeling in his stomach was taking over. It was too soon to take a moment to walk away.

“I will let you get back to it,” Penelope smiled into the phone. That was something he had always loved about her. You could tell how she was feeling simply by hearing her voice. The comfort that came with her familiarity was just that, comforting.

“I will keep you guys informed,” Reid promised. “Oh, and Penelope?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime sugar cakes.”

Reid smiled again, this time a truly genuine one. Everyone in life needed to get themselves a Penelope Garcia. She had a way of making thing better in moments when they were far from it. More of her and the world would be perfect, or as close to perfect as it could be.

Once he hung up, Reid took a few deep breaths before making his way back into the living room. Spencer was now awake and talking with her mom, animated and a smile reaching up to her ears.

“I feel like I missed something very big,” Reid put on a smile and made his way over to stand next to the couch.

“Spencer was just telling me about reading you her book,” Joanna brought Reid up to speed. “She even told me she did the voices. You did not tell me she did the voices.”

“I assumed the voices were just a part of the story,” Reid laughed, remembering how Spencer had a different voice for every character in her story. It really was quite impressive.

“Nope,” Spencer smiled up at him. “Only during special times.”

“Well I am happy to have been a special time,” Reid felt his heart flutter and then drop. This was his, she was his. That should be the greatest feeling in the world but instead it was covered with gloom. She was only going to be his a little while longer. The odds were in no ones favor.

            “I want pancakes,” Spencer changed the subject quickly and looked over at her mom. “Can we make pancakes?”

            “Um,” Joanna looked between Spencer and Reid, trying to see if he was okay with Pancakes.

            “I love pancakes,” Reid nodded.

            “Pancakes it is,” Joanna agreed. “But you both have to help me.”

            “Deal,” Spencer and Reid spoke at the same time.

            Yeah, she was his.

            At least for now.


	5. Pancakes and the Third Degree

            Spencer had forgotten what being around Joanna was like. They used to do everything together, including, making pancakes like they are now. It was one of those moments that had not crossed his mind in all these years but now he was wishing they were memories that did not exist. All the good moments kept coming back to him and that made all of this hurt even more. He had missed out on so much and he didn’t even know it.

            “So,” Spencer made up her plate of pancakes and took it over to sit down at the table. Reid and Joanna quickly followed her. “Tell me about your job.”

            “My job?” Reid questioned. He supposed this was one of the better questions he could have been asked. He was not good at lying, and he was not ready for personal questions.

            “Yeah,” Spencer nodded her head. “I know that you work for the FBI catching murderers. I mean, how cool is that. My dad is like … like a superhero.”

            “Well,” Reid could not help but smile. “I would not call myself a superhero.”

            “Then what would you call yourself?” Spencer questioned.

            “I would call myself a,” Reid thought it over, searching for just the right words. “I would call myself a doer of good.”

            “So, like a superhero?” Spencer smiled and dug into her pancakes.

            “Yeah,” Reid finally agreed. “I guess I am kind of like a superhero.”

            “What powers would you have?” Spencer was all full of questions. “If you got to have a super power to go along with your job.”

            “I have never thought about that before,” Reid never really wished to be superhuman. “I guess I would like the power of truth. My job would be so much better if I just knew who was lying and who was telling the truth.”

            “Lame,” Spencer rolled her eyes. “Flying would be so much cooler.”

            “I do fly though,” Reid could not help but laugh. “Every case, I get to fly in this amazing jet. Plus, in the jet, I do not have to worry about the elements.”

            “What about like x-ray vision?” Spencer kept working to come up with better superpowers than just getting people to tell him the truth.

            “I don’t see how that would help me be a superhero,” Reid concluded. “Just cause a power seems lame, doesn’t mean that it is not useful.”

            “That is true,” She agreed, turning to face her mom. “What power would you have mom? If you were a superhero?”

            “That one is easy,” Jo set her fork down. “I would want to be able to move things with my mind. Or walk through walls. I can’t tell you how hard it is to get through walls without magic.”

            “That is why they invented doors,” Reid through in his two cents, trying not to sound rude but it may have come off that way.

            “Doors are lame,” Spencer quickly brought the conversation back to her. “Walking through walls is so much better.”

            “Well,” Reid took a bite of his pancakes before continuing. “What would your special power be?”

            “I would like to be able to control the weather,” she smiled.

            “Bring out the sun to avoid the rain?” Reid nodded along with his question, liking the idea of stopping the rain.

            “Nope,” Spencer shook her head. “I would like to make it rain more. I love the rain.”

            “She is my water child,” Jo chimed back in to the conversation. “You should try getting her out of the pool sometime. She would much rather shrivel away into a raisin.”

            “I have never really been big on pools,” Reid admitted. “But I am always open to change, so I would love that opportunity.”

            “Really?” Spencer beamed. “Maybe we can go to the pool this weekend. I can show you all the tricks I know how to do off the diving board.”

            “As long as you promise not to laugh,” Reid agreed.

            “Laugh at what?” Spencer asked confused.

            “Me,” Reid motioned towards himself. “I look like a nerd both in and out of the water.”

            “You don’t look like a nerd,” Spencer corrected him. “My mom says that looking smart and being smart are nothing to be ashamed of.”

            “I am not ashamed of how I look or my intelligence,” Reid promised. “Just that I am a terrible swimmer and it shows. So no laughing.”

            “Scouts honor,” Spencer held up her hand.

            “Are you a scout?” Reid asked. He had always wanted to be one when he was younger. All the other kids in his grade got to be. His mother felt that it was useless however, so he never got to be one.

            “For like a week,” she finished off her plate and pushed it away from her. “It got hard when I would get sick, so I stopped. But once a scout, always a scout.”

            “I bet you were amazing at it while it lasted,” Reid tried to keep the mood positive, but the feeling rising in his stomach was working to make that difficult. It was easy to forget for short moments that Spencer was sick.

            “Duh,” she rolled her eyes at him. “I am great at everything I do.”

            “Yeah,” Reid laughed, flashing a look over to Jo before looking back at Spencer. “Me too.”

            “Oh,” Spencer was full of energy this morning. Reid was not sure if this was a normal thing, but by the look that Joanna kept giving her, he would assume that it was not. He was glad that Spencer was excited, he just hoped that she was not causing any harm to herself by being so worked up. “Are you married? Do I have a step mom?”

            “Uh,” Reid was completely thrown off by her question. Joanna had not dated or married because she had a daughter to dedicate her time to. What was Reid’s excuse for not being in a relationship? Well, besides the obvious ones. “No. I am not married.”

            “Are you seeing anyone?” Spencer continued with the questions, not realizing that he was starting to be uncomfortable. He didn’t want to keep things from her, he just was not sure what was okay to tell her and what was not okay to tell her.

            “I um,” Reid turned to Joanna, begging for the answers to his unasked questions. She simply gave him a smile and nodded. That was good enough for him. “I am not seeing anyone, no.”

            “How come?” They just never stopped.

            “I was, uh, seeing someone for a while,” Reid tried to make it seem like he at least knew how to be in a relationship. He did not want Jo to think that he stopped dating just because she left him heartbroken and alone.

            “How come you aren’t anymore?” Spencer seemed to become concerned and he wished he had a better answer than the truth.

            “She um,” Reid set his fork down on the table and straightened up. “She died.”

            “Oh Reid,” Joanna finally chimed in. “I am so sorry.”

            “How did she die?” Spencer went on to ask.

            “Spence,” Joanna jumped in. “I think you should drop the subject now and move on to something else.”

            “Fine,” Spencer leaned back in her chair, no longer as excited as she had been.

            “No. It’s okay,” Reid promised. “She uh, she got shot and did not survive it.”

            “Oh Reid,” Joanna said again and it was starting to make him angry. Where did she get off suddenly caring about him?

            “Someone shot her?” Spencer perked right back up, eyes big and wide. “Why would someone shoot her? Was she a cop? Was it a bad guy?”

            “She was not a cop,” Reid tried to keep a straight face but the image of Maeve being shot in front of him flashed before his eyes. “But she was shot by a bad guy. Or a bad girl, if we want to be clear on the matter.”

            “Do you miss her?” Spencer asked.

            “Every day,” Reid admitted.

            “Can I go to your work?” Spencer changed the subject. Reid could not tell if it was because she could see that this topic was hard for him or if it was just her brain moving quickly. Reid could relate to both of those things and was glad for the change of direction.

            “Sure,” Reid agreed. “It really isn’t set up for kids, so it probably will not be that fun.”

            “How could an FBI building not be fun?” Spencer questioned. Reid felt pride in that moment. He was happy that things like his job got her excited. He also loved his job. Sharing it with someone who was excited to experience it was going to be easier than sharing it with someone who found it tedious and boring. Not that his job was either of those things.

            “True,” Reid smiled. “I will just have to go in and talk to my boss to get the go ahead. Though, I am very certain that it will not be a problem.”

            “I will go get ready,” Spencer stood up from the table and was quickly out the door.

            “Wait,” Reid tried to stop her but she was already gone.

            “Sorry,” Joanna stood up from the table. “I will go tell her it will have to be another day.”

            “No,” Reid stopped her. “Let me just check if they are even back and will be around. If they are, we can go. If they aren’t, we will have to wait until they get back to meet them. But we can still tour the parts of the building I don’t need permission for.”

            “She would like that,” Joanna agreed.

            “I will make the call.”

            “I will go help her get ready.”


End file.
